I couldn't fall asleep, and it was already 3 in the morning.. I rejected my xdo's diidii(s) to meet up today. They actually planned to find me just now, before 0130 arrived, but I rejected and didn't reply their message cos I didn't know what to reply! =.="
There I didn't eat the whole day, waiting for Bui and Gor to come and bring me for dinner at least. Who knows Gor didn't bring Bui come but straight to the airport tomorrow morning~!! ARGH!!! So freaking hungry!!! !$#@%!$#^
There he came after showered from gym. We went to pasar malam and i grabbed my food! Am having a serious unbalanced-diet. lolz!!
Anyway, I left unasleep.
Texted him, and told him am not gonna do my assignment, cos I don't have the mood to do so in few messages after the first. I was like kept saying night to him, and he asked why was it 'so fast' to say night to him. Being blank in my mind, I answered, "want you to sleep, time for you to sleep." @@~ And then he said he loves me and misses me. (Of course I feel the same towards him.) But I was really down this few days and I told him. Again, he asked what's wrong and asked me to tell him, and I said I don't know, maybe it's just I don't have a boyfriend in quite a time, and will just think too much.
He apologised, and asked if it's him, not doing good enough to me.. And I was like, "don't say sorry, it was just me thinking too much." And he said he really loves me (this warmed my heart). I was like do cool, I said I need time, am scared, refuse to be hurt. He said he understands and I asked him to sleep.
Yes, he did go to bed, left me unreplied.
Hmm.. But I couldn't sleep, not because of been left unreplied.. I was so down~
Did I make the right choice, not about picking a 'candidate' for my boyfriend but a decision to have a boyfriend at this time? We did talk about this the other night. Told him how I feel and think due to what happened before.. He said he will be unhappy if am in unhappy mode. He said he's not gonna hurt me, not gonna treat me like before. But can I take this promise as promise?
I asked, "Will you lie to me?" And he answered he will not.
"I saw."
Is it what I shouldn't see? Perhaps it's not or it's gonna be real embarrassing of being misunderstanding.
(Bet no one will know what I'm saying here.)
Am just feeling insecure~ Maybe the cut was too deep, and it brought me negative thoughts. Or, is it my temper is still the same? Am glad that I didn't get mad, and I hope that I will not get mad, at least not to him that I never done getting mad.
About discussing the same thing the other night, his reply melted my heart.
Need a pair of couple tells everything to each other without hiding? I bet he knows me better than I know him. Cos am doing much of the talker part and he's doing much of the listener part. I hope he can become the talker part more sometimes since before. He didn't get online, and don't know what I've typed in my personal message after that day. Anyway, am gonna change it. (I hope I won't love him more than he loves me but I think am in this way now.)
I have no idea of what to say, it's roughly like this, what I wanna share. I hope he'll understand.
Baby, if you're reading this, don't feel down or uneasy. Am not gonna give up, am gonna be with you, not to promise of the rest of my life, but to promise I will try my best to keep us going on.
Well, I've done my Malaysian Music's assignment and 50% of World Music's. Am not gonna do it anymore.. One and a half hour more to go. I wanna go to class, and don't wanna absent from anyone of it!!! So I think am gonna reject Michelle (she asked me if I'm going back to Maison and dance for them). Hmm.. I think I thought it right. =)
5:44am shown, 8-9.30am and 11.30am-12.30pm classes later.. How am I gonna spend that 2 hours between?
OMG,
my eyes are closing~!!
NONONONONONONONO!!!!
NO SLEEPING JESSIE!!
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