Still awake..

Couldn't sleep well last night..
Kept waking up.. =(

I signed in to my friendster,
saw a message sent by his current girlfriend,
asking me some questions..

I replied.
I don't know what I can do..
My heart feels pain.
Some words, really hurt me..
"I'm her girlfriend now."
Olly shit!
I know she wanted to say his, so yeah...

If there's someone told u,
"I'm the guy/gurl that you still deep in love with girlfriend/boyfriend"..
How will you feel?

Anyway, I do feel regret that I replied.
As if I'm trying to help out,
by telling the truth that I discovered?

NO, I don't wanna get involved about his love anymore.
I don't care who's he's caring for..

I don't wanna give a S if his current girlfriend gets hurt from him one day.
Well, no one like me tell me how bad he was before this..
He has good buddies that always be with him,
help him in every special situation that he needs them to.
He's good in making things whole and round again..
Which is he could cry and you will really trust on what he says..
Many more!

Well, that's what Jessie experienced.

People did ask,
"why are you still so suffer after knowing and especially discovered all the lies he told?"
I will go,
"I don't know, I just simply miss the existance of him, I'm not sure if I still love him,
but I definitely can't get him out from my memory as he's the very first guy in my life, that really fell deep in love with and been through here and there, together, sticking 24 hours, together.. But I wonder, why? How could I still miss him so after I saw him Poppy, gone after another girl, while he just said 'I love you' and asked me to go home earlier, this and that the night before?! He even said he didn't go after that gurl, while the gurl told me that he's going after him?!"
People answered,
"I'm so speechless to you, you are so F-ing stupid Jessie!!! Not worth it!"

Me, ended up crying everytime, being emo.

There was even worse time that he treated me like TUT!

(Don't know why, I suddenly feel kinda happy typing till here. Is it a sign to tell me that I actually don't miss him anymore but just wanted to keep myself to be emo?)

Stupid me. XD

All I need to do is just don't care..
But..
Can I?
I think Yes!!
I don't care how good and sweet both of them could be,
or how hurt a part of them could be..

I know I wanna be with him, as a friend always.
(This is what I tell now, when I still miss him.
What would I tell if I don't anymore?
I wonder..)

The biggest trouble I have now,

Him,

Why am I looking for him?

Do I really want him back?

NO.

I deserve a better life, a better man.

I tried to control myself and decided to find him by next year,

2010-10-30..

If I still love him or miss him, it will be 2 years.

But from now onwards,

I will never force myself anymore.

Miss him, find him.

Feel like talking to him, call him, text him.

I guess it will turn out a better result.

Everybody got something to leave behind..

I know what I have to leave behind,

and look forward...

There's no use looking back I wondering...

I will let me, myself be...

Let everything be,

sooner or later,

everything will get back on the right track.

For studies,

Have to really put effort in it..

Major and minor lecturers always praise me though~

Hehe.. ^^v

Have to be regular to class and practise more!

Am thinking to have classical voice as minor next sem..

♥~I wanna be somebody~♥

For love and relationship,

Jess doesn't see any guy that suits her.

I guess she will not have any so far.

She will wait till her Mr. Right appears in her life,

♥~& Get Together~♥

For dancing,
Jess is quitting Maison by this month..
Will get involved in those performance~
♥~Gambade~♥

For modeling,
Photoshooting is under arrangement..
Having 2 current..
But before this,
Jess would like to make her own photos,
own angle, own pose, own background, and own editings!!
♥~GOGO Jessie!!!~♥

For future,
Jess's gonna let everything be,
take everything slowly,
study now,
and see how everything turns out to be,
and only decide what to do next,
take everything step-by-step.
'Cause Jess doesn't wanna feel regret anymore.
♥~It's not good to feel regret~♥

♫I gotta feeling, that Jessie's gonna be back shortly,♫
♫that Jessie's gonna be a good gurl,♫
♫that Jessie's gonna be her mummy' gurl♫

ღNobody is perfect, I'm nobody!!ღ